Tag Archive for: Domestic Violence

Forgotten – part 5, The Prisons

Armodoxy for Today: The Forgotten, Part 5 – The Prisons

Silva sits in a prison cell watching life go by. Since her incarceration, her children have grown up, entered into their professions and created their own lives. She hasn’t met or seen her grandchildren, but she has seen a wide variety of people coming into prison, and out of prison. Murderers have been sentenced, served their time and let out, while Silva has watched and hoped that her day will come soon.

Just to remind you, her crime was that she was abused for 25 years by her husband. After trying to resolve the situation by going to family, friends and even the police, and not finding resolutions, she thinks her only way out of the violence is through violence and puts her mind to be rid of him for good. Attempting murder is as far as she got. Her attempt was foiled. According to the law, trying to kill someone is enough to land you in prison and that it did. Abused for 25 years, and now twenty years in jail.

Silva’s situation was nothing new to me. Domestic violence has been on my radar since I began my ministry. I was alerted to the sensitivity of the subject when at one point five different women approached me, their parish priest, in the course of a couple of months, complaining about domestic abuse.

What an opportunity, I thought, to bring these women together. Let them talk to one another, let them share their stories with each other. Exchange notes. Discuss responsibility, etc. It could only be therapeutic for them.

I approached each one separately. Spoke with them and explained the gravity of the situation. Even more, I explained, there are others who are going through the same difficulties you are experiencing. I did not even get one person who would be willing to discuss their situation with another. Why? What would the neighbors think? The shame factor was well at work. It was outside of their comfort zone. I was too young and too inexperienced to push the necessity of such dialogues – ones with people who could relate to you because of their similar experiences.

Here we are several decades later, and still domestic violence is in the shadows. There is a stigma attached to being a victim of a partner’s dominance. You don’t ask for it, but you’re confined to a lifetime of it.

But from all this evil – and seemingly “winning” evil – something good took flight. It was called Datev Outreach, addressing the issues faced by the victims of domestic violence. More on that, next time.

For today we pray, “Lord our God, remember those who struggle against hatred and prejudice. By the power of your Holy Cross, which you did not reject, but accepted and climbed for all humankind, melt our heart of stone so that we may be loving and caring towards all. Amen.”

Forgotten – Victim and Prisoners

Armodoxy for Today: The Forgotten, part 4 – Victim and Prisoner

In Jesus’ parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11f), there is point of awakening, which leads to his repentance and return home. When he had money and means, he was surrounded by friends, but once the money ran out, so did his friends. He found himself alone, searching for the bygone days. Fortunately, there was a loving father who welcomed his son’s return and celebrated. But what if he came to that point of repentance, that moment awakening, and there was no who wanted his back? What if they designated him as “forgotten” and no doors were open for him to return to life?

Meet Silva. She’s a forgotten inmate at the California Institution for Women. She has been confined behind prison bars since 2007. Like the Prodigal Son, she was on top of the world financially. She had friends and she was well respected in the Armenian community in Southern California, until she was incarcerated. Slowly, she found herself alone, and isolated. Unlike the Prodigal, there have been no open doors for her to return.

Her story is all too common, and especially in immigrant communities such as the Armenian one. She was a victim of domestic violence. And, she still is.

Quick, what’s wrong with this picture? She’s a victim, so why is she in prison? And if she’s in prison, how can she still be a victim of domestic violence?

While everything seemed fine on the outside, Silva was being abused emotionally, psychologically and physically by her husband. They were married for over 25 years and the level of abuse became intolerable for Silva, to the point that she wanted out in the worst way possible. And so, she did the worst thing possible by deciding to kill her husband as a solution, to end the violence. She hired a person to kill him. The murder was botched. Silva was tried and convicted of attempted murder.

In the nearly two decades that she has been in prison, she has been a model prisoner. She has educated herself and holds several degrees. She’s been up for parole a couple of times only to be passed by. Ironically, if she had killed her husband, she probably would have been out by now, perhaps on a self-defense plea. Instead, she was abused for 25 years in her marriage and now she’s being abused in prison and by a system that is broken.

This story is a personal one for me. Jesus sought out and ministered to the forgotten, giving us an example to do the same. I have met with Silva and chronicled her struggle through the system. The story itself is filled with intrigue, betrayal, hatred, and much loneliness and despair. It would make for a very interesting novel or film. My intention is not share those details, but to place this in the context of the Church – Christ’s Holy Body – in response to evil. I’m determined to get this story out and hope that somewhere someone will pick up and join the cause of righteousness.

We will continue tomorrow. We pray today, Lord, have mercy. Amen.

Love Conquers

Armodoxy for Today: Love Conquers

St. Mary, who’s assumption is remembered in the month of August, is referred to with many titles that are also descriptors. Blessed Mother, Asadvadzadzin, the Bearer of God, Our Lady and Queen of Heaven, are among some of the more conventional names. They all point to the unique place she occupies in human history.

She said “Yes” to God and thereby Christ was made incarnate. She bore and delivered Pure Love to the world.

A few years ago, while serving as a parish priest in Glendale, I became aware of the problem of domestic violence within the local community. Like many other places, denial was widespread. Some even shunned me for daring to voice a concern about domestic violence.

As priests we often become the first point of contact for people in need. One night, after a violent scene between a husband and wife, and after hours of counseling and finding a safe haven for a young mother and her children, I asked her if we could pray together before I turned her over to the shelter. Of course, she wanted that bit of solace in her upside-down world. Instinctively, she reached out her hand so I would hold it during prayer, and instinctively I did. She screamed! I let go only to find her hands were crushed and disfigured by the act of her husband.

The domestic violence problem grew with very little mention of it by community leaders. The proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back came one night when a lady who had been on the receiving end of domestic violence for 20 years finally had the nerve and the strength to escape from her husband’s tortures and left the house, knocking on the doors of neighbors, asking – begging – for help. She was told by neighbors that “amot eh!” as in, “Don’t bring shame to the family… Go back home before you bring disgrace to your family… This is not something we Armenians do…”  From home to home this continued for 15 minutes until she finally reached a house that did not close the door on her and took her in. She was an African American woman who recognized the seriousness of the situation and immediately called the police. That night we met with her in a sanctuary area.

That was the marking moment when as a community we could no longer stay quiet. We established a grass-roots organization called, “Datev Outreach.” Datev is the name of a celebrated saint in the Armenian Church, it also was a play on words, da-tev, that is, to “give wings.”

During the short-lived life of Datev Outreach we heightened awareness tremendously within the Glendale area. We organized walks through the streets of Glendale where we received the support of many families who came out to voice their oneness with us and the scorn of others who heckled us as we walked by: “There’s no such thing! You’re making it up!” Datev Outreach organized classes for women, gave women opportunities to educate and self-determine their lives. It was a powerful program in the community.

Like many good things, politics got into the way and we closed up our offices after two years, but not before establishing firm ties with the YWCA and ensuring that victims would have a place to find sanctuary.

One of the remaining treasures of Datev Outreach is the beautiful icon of the Blessed Mother. Artist Gregory Beylerian created this icon which cried out to the world the double message that Violence Hurts – there’s no denying it – and Love Conquers – providing the solution! The icon, with the Asdvadzadzin and the Baby Jesus, is a new icon for the contemporary world. It is an icon of Armodoxy because it has a double message boldly proclaiming the horror of violence and articulating the solution in reference to St. Mary, the bearer of Love.

Saints are living today. They are active in our lives today. While many descriptors are ascribed to the Blessed Mother, we must never forget that she takes away pain (cf. Gyumri’s Yot Verk Church) and answers with solace in her capacity to bring Love to the world.

Let us pray, the prayer of intercession of the Armenian Church, Christ, our God, who chose and embraced those who witnessed You and partakers in Your passion. We ask for the intercession of all saints in order that through their fervent prayers and mediation You may grant us peace and protect us from enemies both visible and invisible. Grant us, O Lord, the vision to follow in their path. Amen.

Candle & Prison Fires


Next Step #558:
Dyarnuntarach – the Presentation of the Lord: Candles, Fires and all. Fr. Vazken dissects the story of the Presentation (Luke 2) and gives the lesson for purpose and meaning in life. Simeon the just and righteous man – and finding that righteousness in life. The beginning of the “Revolution.” Back from Prison – domestic violence victim who is being punished behind bars. Prayer with an active and action plan. A Prayer Quilt that places action with prayers – lessons from sisters and brothers. Secrets of the Neck.
Candle Dance by Richard Hagopian
Fr. Vazken’s Dyaruntarach Sermon 2019 at St. Leon Armenian Cathedral (Armenian)
Bishops Prayer for singles
Prayer Quilt in Memory of Diramayr
Presentation of the Lord (Scripture)
Statue of Liberty
Cover: Miniature of Dyarnuntarach by Gayane Maragarian
Technical Director: Ken Nalik
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for InHisShoes.org
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Whole Enchiladas

Next Step #436: Whether you bite into an enchiladas or Armodoxy, take the time to make sure it’s the entire package. Incident at the YWCA re: Domestic Violence – playing with statistics and hearing what they want. Adapting to the challenges of technology-savvy religion. Changing metaphors – is it possible in world climate today? Politics turns nasty in the Clinton/Trump debates and a new peek at “Designated Survivor.”  The full meal through Armodoxy.
Manuella by Sarkis on Songs and Dances of Latin America
Growing Young
Fr. Vazken on Youth
AC101 Vides:  www.youtube.com/armodoxy
Embracing Our Faith Conference
Fr. Arshag Khatchadourian honored
Gomidas Badarak – Western Diocese production
Gala on the Next Step
Next Step in  Armenia at Domestic Violence Demonstration
Designated Survivor
Engineered by Ken Nalik
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for InHisShoes.org
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Epilogue to a Visit and a Blessing

Next Step #382: Wrapping up and connecting dots between the Pope’s US visit and the Miuron Blessing. Domestic violence victim Zarouhi Petrosian remembered; Separating the messenger from the message; St. Thaddeus: Oil to King Apkar; Miuron of “Victory”; Absorbing Energy, The Golden Rule in context and today… and much more.
Links:
Armen Donelian “Hymn”
Pope Francis remarks to Congress
Harry Hagopian Blog
Miuron Blessing in Etchmiadzin
Zarouhi Petrosian
Golden Rule comparison chart
Shakira “Imagine
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Engineered by Ken Nalik
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for InHisShoes.org
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The Human Condition: Sex, Pentecost & the Church

Next Step #313 – June 5, 2014

From the death of a young girl on the streets of Glendale, opens a discussion about domestic violence and personal sexual imaging. The Pentecost – the birth of the Christian Church – opens a candid discussion about marketing and selling the Body of Christ. Keeping the message of Christ and salvation real and accelerating the revolution. Continuing on the road to Ascension. Themes in this episode may be disturbing to listeners.
Dr. Maya Angelou: “It’s Sacred: Church
Slut-Shaming 
One More Important part of Sex
Fr. Vazken’s Blog: http://www.armodoxy.blogspot.com/
Engineered by Ken Nalik
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
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Kinetic Update via Artsakh

Next Step #281 – October 24, 2013

Fr. Vazken prepares for the annual walk against Domestic Violence through the streets of Glendale & Burbank. Hear his thoughts as organizations and political parties turn their heads from the menacing and ugly realities in the community. Next – a discussion with Gala Danilova, from Artsakh on a variety of life & death issues, violence & peace, the value of life and updating to Windows 8.1 and life beyond the iPhone. Candid & meaty discussions help make way for the Step.
Song: “New Life” by Gor Mkhitarian
Landmine Free Artsakh: http://landminefreeartsakh.com
Datev Outreach: www.datevoutreach.org
Fr. Vazken’s blog: www.armodoxy.blogspot.com
Engineered by Ken Nalik
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
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Fr. Vazken and Gala Danilova

Unraveling and Weaving God & Chaos

Next Step #254 – April 18, 2013

Finding God in the chaos. Fr. Vazken unravels the events of the week, which included the worst of the worst – domestic violence, terrorism and Genocide – and even finds God as the antithesis of chaos.  Don’t be afraid to point him out, he says. Datev Outreach, the Boston Marathon bombing, and the screening of Bared Maronian’s “Orphans of the Genocide” are woven together in this interesting journey from chaos to order. It is a mystery and it is deep.
Anush’s Inside the Pomegrante – Finding the Helper
Song – Isabel Bayrakdarian “Khorhoort Khorin”
Slipstream http://jethrotull.com
Datev Outreach http://datevoutreach.org
Boston Marathon: Where Was God During the Boston Marathon?
Orphans of the Genocide (7 minute trailer); Order the full-length DVD
St. Peter Youth Ministry – 10th Anniversary
St. Peter Booklet form
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
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Purifying the Dogs of Midwinter

Next Step #191 – February 2, 2012

The Church comes alive as it lives its mission in creating awareness for Domestic Violence and a shelter for the abused. Religion meets relevance, as Fr. Vazken takes the discussion from the Groundhog’s Day, to Diaruntarach to purity. Can you preach what you don’t believe? Then, how can Christians light a candle, pray to pictures and close their eyes to abused women and hungry children? Add some dessert to the cafeteria menus of religion in this one. Maternity leave according to the Bible. A farewell to Ken.
Walk for Domestic Violence: http://inhisshoes.org
Jesuit College Leader
Song: Rouben Hakhverdian “Poetner yev shuner” (Poets & dogs)
Engineered by Ken T. Nalik
Produced by Suzie Shatarevyan for epostle.net
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