Armodoxy for Today: The Forgotten, Part 5 – The Prisons

Silva sits in a prison cell watching life go by. Since her incarceration, her children have grown up, entered into their professions and created their own lives. She hasn’t met or seen her grandchildren, but she has seen a wide variety of people coming into prison, and out of prison. Murderers have been sentenced, served their time and let out, while Silva has watched and hoped that her day will come soon.

Just to remind you, her crime was that she was abused for 25 years by her husband. After trying to resolve the situation by going to family, friends and even the police, and not finding resolutions, she thinks her only way out of the violence is through violence and puts her mind to be rid of him for good. Attempting murder is as far as she got. Her attempt was foiled. According to the law, trying to kill someone is enough to land you in prison and that it did. Abused for 25 years, and now twenty years in jail.

Silva’s situation was nothing new to me. Domestic violence has been on my radar since I began my ministry. I was alerted to the sensitivity of the subject when at one point five different women approached me, their parish priest, in the course of a couple of months, complaining about domestic abuse.

What an opportunity, I thought, to bring these women together. Let them talk to one another, let them share their stories with each other. Exchange notes. Discuss responsibility, etc. It could only be therapeutic for them.

I approached each one separately. Spoke with them and explained the gravity of the situation. Even more, I explained, there are others who are going through the same difficulties you are experiencing. I did not even get one person who would be willing to discuss their situation with another. Why? What would the neighbors think? The shame factor was well at work. It was outside of their comfort zone. I was too young and too inexperienced to push the necessity of such dialogues – ones with people who could relate to you because of their similar experiences.

Here we are several decades later, and still domestic violence is in the shadows. There is a stigma attached to being a victim of a partner’s dominance. You don’t ask for it, but you’re confined to a lifetime of it.

But from all this evil – and seemingly “winning” evil – something good took flight. It was called Datev Outreach, addressing the issues faced by the victims of domestic violence. More on that, next time.

For today we pray, “Lord our God, remember those who struggle against hatred and prejudice. By the power of your Holy Cross, which you did not reject, but accepted and climbed for all humankind, melt our heart of stone so that we may be loving and caring towards all. Amen.”